


Another Man's Treasure

by Versevere



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Guns, M/M, Mentions of Blood, Mentions of Death, Multiverse, Pining, Side Seongsang, Slow Burn, Supernatural Elements, police!au, side woosan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-10-22 22:00:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17670902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Versevere/pseuds/Versevere
Summary: It was a stormy Friday evening when Seonghwa discovered that he was a universe jumper.





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This work was inspired by that one part in Say My Name with Seonghwa sitting in front of Seonghwa (during Jongho and Mingi's amazingly GLORIOUS suspenseful parts). I absolutely adore Ateez to bits and they even inspired me to write again! I haven't written in a while so please excuse, well, everything, but thank you for giving this a chance, I hope you enjoy it! ATEEZ PRESENT!!!
> 
> Also, please read the tags! This won't be a particularly gruesome fic, but there are a few mentions of some things people may not be comfortable with!

It was a stormy Friday evening when Seonghwa discovered that he was a universe jumper. 

 

He wasn’t sure if he should include it in the factors that made that day the worst day of his life, considering that he still wasn’t sure how to feel about that fact, but regardless, it was the worst day of his life. In the morning, he had woken up crying, tortured from a dream that seemed all too real, but he couldn’t even remember what the dream had been about, or why he was so sad about it. All he could say was that he felt like he had lost something so important that a part of himself had gone along with it. Empty was a close word to describe the feeling, but he felt emptier than empty. It was like he had lost himself as a being. He turned his head on his pillow, trying to remember even the smallest details to justify the sense of sadness that he was being plagued with. A person, an action, a sensation, anything that might have been a hint of what he might have lost so that at the very least he could search for it. He hummed softly in an attempt to lull himself back to sleep, but no matter how hard he closed his eyes to go back to where he was last in his dreams, he was stuck in the life he had awake.

 

He reached under his pillow to grab his gun, holding it close to his chest to provide himself with the illusion that he would be protected by anything, even if it included emotions. All he had to do was harden his heart, letting it mimic the heaviness of his firearm. He breathed out slowly, grasping tightly until he had enough willpower to move about to start his day.

 

When he accepted the fact that the dream had escaped him, he tried to at least forget the lingering feeling, trying to shake it out as he shook the handle of his dumb door that would never give until he gave it several violent jerks. He swore it became more stubborn every time he tried it and at this point he should have been counting down the days until he would be unable to leave the house, shut off from the outside world. He asked himself if he would be happier then, and telling enough, he couldn't come up with a sure answer. When he finally got his door open, he was immediately faced with a chill wind that punched the breath out of his lungs. It might have been nature warning him to brace himself because not long after, he saw two cats that had been run over during the night, the wind stroking their fur as if it was a beckoning for them to rise again. The last time he had seen roadkill was half a year ago, give or take, and the world decided to gift him with two ominous signs right past his front door. Needless to say, he wasn’t very happy with his gifts. He walked past the corpses without looking back at them. Whether they would be given a burial or not was something he thought about, but he left those thoughts behind soon enough. The world would move on easily, and if he didn’t learn to do the same, the world would just as easily leave him behind.

 

He walked with a slight hobble, his knee aching in the way that forecasted rain, but he had misplaced his umbrella and hadn't sought to get a replacement for it. He hoped the skies wouldn't bring more than a slight drizzle, but somehow, he was doubtful. He looked up at the thick gray clouds that stretched endlessly across the sky, and looked down to see his shadow hide itself like Seonghwa himself wished he could have done. He only felt like half of himself was there, partly because of the dream he still couldn’t remember but still couldn’t forget, but he also hadn't felt whole for as long as he could remember.

 

Seonghwa pulled out a small leather-bound notebook, opening it to today’s date, underlining the first name and address listed on it. There were several addresses listed for that day, and Seonghwa groaned to himself when he saw a certain stubborn name on the list. Putting his complaints behind him, he headed out to make his rounds for the day, whispering to himself that mercy was for the weak, mercy was for the weak, mercy was for the weak.

 

He knocked on the door of the second-floor unit of a less-than-extravagant apartment complex, walls plagued with chipping paint of an ugly green color and doors painted with an equally ugly yellow. If the paint was pristine, it might have been reminiscent of spring. The door creaked open to reveal a face just as worn as the walls, shaggy hair and tired eyes. Seonghwa didn’t give the guy a chance to greet him.

 

“Hongjoong? I’m afraid I can’t extend the deadline on your payment any longer.”

 

Being a debt collector was never easy, but there were some clients that made things especially hard. When a client argued over due dates or invoices, Seonghwa could easily refute their claims with meticulously filed records. When it came to clients that were struggling to make ends meet and were so pitiful that Seonghwa could see the pain in their eyes, that was what made Seonghwa waver. He kept his gun close enough to remind him to be sturdy, to remind himself that he could use forceful means if he had to, but when he saw people like Hongjoong who were putting in their best efforts to live day by day, he could only think that it was a shame that their roles weren’t reversed. When Seonghwa barely put in the effort to breathe, he found himself extremely lucky to have some goal to keep himself going, even if it was just the obligations he had toward his job. He wondered what it was that people like Hongjoong lived for.

 

His rounds took an annoyingly longer time than they usually would, and when Seonghwa looked at his watch, he almost started swearing a storm, starting a marathon in the opposite direction. He shouldn't have cared that he was late, but the obligations in his life had a much stronger hold on him than he would have liked to admit, and missing his younger brother's celebration for making it into his dream school wasn't something he could get away with if he still wanted to stay on his father's good side, even if he was there hanging by a thread.

 

Seonghwa was by no means living a successful life, but he wasn’t at rock bottom. His younger brother, however, was an entirely different story, and Yunho had just become their family pride and joy by being accepted into the nation’s top police academy. The one that was for the elite of the elites except under extreme circumstance, and lo and behold, Yunho was extreme enough of a circumstance. Normally, people would be proud of their younger siblings for such a big accomplishment, but when Seonghwa could barely drag his feet to get out of bed every morning, he couldn’t be proud of himself let alone be genuinely happy for his younger brother’s accomplishment. The world was already starting to leave him behind but Seonghwa wasn’t exactly making an effort to catch up. Seonghwa’s smile didn’t quite reach his eyes when he congratulated Yunho, but Yunho’s gaze didn’t quite reach Seonghwa either. Yunho was looking beyond him, and it was times like this that Seonghwa cursed Yunho’s absurd height that he had on him.

 

Seonghwa turned to see what had caught Yunho’s attention and was quickly possessed with the same pull. It was San. His beautiful San who was always so bright no matter what the universe would try to weather him down with. His beautiful, beautiful San whose smile had the power to make the world spin, or maybe it was Seonnghwa’s head that was always spinning around him. His beautiful San who made all the universe’s stars seem lackluster because his eyes dazzled that much more. His San was waving, beaming in joy when he started walking toward them, and as much as Seonghwa would have loved to open his arms to make the perfect San-sized space for him to enter, he knew that Seonghwa wasn’t really the reason San was there. He was there to congratulate Yunho, happy for him like Seonghwa should have been, but unlike Seonghwa’s smile, San’s was genuine. San ran up to Yunho and jumped with all his might, knowing Yunho would toss his ridiculously large bouquet that their parents gave him to catch San and hold him tight, giving him a few spins to make things even more overly dramatic. Seonghwa immediately wanted to go home and repeatedly bang his head on his bedroom wall, and if there were extraneous nails sticking out it would make his self-beating even better. Anything would have been better than watching Yunho and San’s spontaneous celebratory love-fest.

 

“Hi, Seonghwa,” San chirped, out of breath, when he finally noticed him. 

 

Seonghwa wasn’t prepared for his heart to pound so eagerly at the greeting despite being an afterthought to Yunho. Still, he returned the gesture with a meek wave, hoping it wouldn’t give away his pathetic weak heart. He knew his heart would always be soft for San, even if it meant that it was more easily staked when he saw the way San looked at Yunho. Still, he would always forgive San for his bleeding heart because where else would his cold heart find warmth than from its own trickling blood? Seonghwa would never want him to know what he truly felt, even if that meant he was bleeding out and gasping his last vows. San would never know. And if he did, Seonghwa would never admit it, and San would never acknowledge it. It was the least painful way for things to be as they were.

 

Before more damage could be done, Seonghwa decided to leave the two be. While he would have loved to initiate his plans for banging his head on the wall, it started to rain treacherously, and he hadn’t had the time to fix the leak on his roof. He didn’t feel up to doing that now, either, so he made his way to a place with a solid roof and someone who could tend to his dire need for a drink.

 

Wooyoung served his drink in front of him as soon as Seonghwa sat down and before he had a chance to tell him his order. Seonghwa raised his glass, making a silent cheer to Wooyoung for saving him the effort of telling him what he needed, drinking away at the first chance. The first sip of his brandy tasted particularly sweet that night. The heat of the toxin traveling down his throat seemed particularly shallow, and he didn’t know if it meant that his drink just wasn’t strong enough, or if it was just that cold of a night. The bar wasn’t exactly bustling even though it was a Friday, but that might have had to do with the fact that no one wanted to make the travel home when they knew they would be treading a wet path, but Seonghwa didn’t care. His day was already at a record low, and no amount of rain or lack-of could change that. 

 

Being the lone soul drinking at the bar, Seonghwa found that it was the perfect time and place to think about how miserable he was. About how it hurt to see San that day. How it hurt to see San the day before that and the day before that. His feelings were a blade against his throat so close that it sliced him every time he swallowed in fear that San would eventually catch on. There was no way he would catch on, though, when Seonghwa had been attracted to San from the very beginning for really no reason at all besides the fact that San was the one to grab hold of Seonghwa before he fell in a place so dark he wouldn’t have been able to find his way out. When he lost faith in himself, San put faith in him, and it gave him the strength he needed to pull himself together. San was his savior and his treasure. He was his heart and soul. He was his everything, his world, his universe.

 

Before he realized it, thoughts became spoken words, and he had been talking loud enough for Wooyoung to hear.

 

“San is your universe. I know. But he’s taken by your lousy brother. I  _ know _ ,” Wooyoung leaned forward hands on the bartop, “and you can’t get your life together because what is the point if San will never look at you the same way you look at him, right? We are going through this again, I can sense it.”

 

Seonghwa scowled as he slid his empty glass toward Wooyoung. “Let me be, Wooyoung. I’m here to be sad and mopey. Can’t you be a good bartender and pretend like you haven’t heard any of this before? I’m too sober to not be hurt by you not pretending to care.”

 

Wooyoung refilled the glass with more ice and liquor before sliding it back. “Will you ever let me hear the end of it? Wait, I think I already know the answer to that one.”

 

Seonghwa shook his head in disappointment as stared at the drink in front of him. “You should have made it a double.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Wooyoung said, rolling his eyes, “but unlike you, I have a conscious, and I don’t want to have to call Yeosang here, again. You should try being a responsible adult for once. It’s not as hard as you make it out to be. And besides, you didn't  _ order _ a double before I made it, so tough luck.”

 

“‘Tough luck’ is right.” Seonghwa pulled out his phone and began tracing San’s number on it. He had the pattern memorized for ages now, and it was a wonder he never accidentally dialed it during one of his drinking nights.

 

“It’s just not fair. Why does Yunho get everything? Ever since he was born, everything was always in his favor. He was always the tall one, the athletic one, the good-looking one, the popular one, the smart one, everything. No wonder he was always the favorite, but he had too good of a head-start. He had everything to begin with, and now he still has everything.  _ Everything _ , Wooyoung. He has… my everything.”

 

Wooyoung stopped wiping the bartop to throw his towel over his shoulder. He sighed, actually seeming to care, this time. “I’m sorry, Seonghwa. Really. I know how much it hurts when the person you love doesn’t love you back.”

 

Something about that phrase being said out loud stung in a place that was particularly painful, and it was then Seonghwa realized how much he didn’t want to acknowledge the truth no matter how much he normalized the thought. Seonghwa could feel the life start to leave his body, his skin becoming numb to the touch. His eyes refused to focus on his drink, and his hands were losing grip on his phone. When the device slid from his hand onto the floor, he remained as he was, having no intention to pick it up anytime soon. 

 

“I’ll go get you some water,” Wooyoung said as he turned to get a fresh glass.

 

Seonghwa thought that his day would end with him drinking his worries away and eventually passing out, but he hadn’t even touched his second drink when a stranger shoved his shoulder. His first reaction was that he wasn’t having it and that the stranger deserved a good swing to the face for beating him when he was at his lowest, but he was taken aback when he saw the stranger’s eyes. Most of the guy’s face was covered with a mask, but he would have recognized those eyes anywhere. Only, he never expected to see them beyond his bathroom mirror. He suddenly was at a loss of what to do, standing awkwardly frozen with his fist pulled back until he noticed Wooyoung’s not-so-subtle glances in his direction. Eventually, he lowered his arm and Wooyoung let out a sigh of relief, preparing for a long night ahead of him. At least he didn’t have to call Yeosang over.

 

Seonghwa was at a loss of what to say. He had no excuse to why he was about to greet the stranger with hostility, but he had no apology for it either. He couldn’t quite form the question he wanted to ask without seeming crazy, but maybe he could have used alcohol as an excuse. Even if he had the intention to ask why the stranger’s eyes looked exactly like his, his throat failed him, not able to make a sound. It wasn’t the brandy that had his tongue, either. There was just something about the stranger that made Seonghwa think there was something more to their encounter than a simple coincidence, so when the stranger turned his back on him, Seonghwa let him lead the way.

 

One could only imagine what it felt like when it seemed like fate was sitting across from you. Seonghwa couldn’t help feel chills when the stranger took off his mask to reveal an almost exact mirror image of him from head to toe, but he couldn’t find it in him to be surprised. The stranger had his hair styled in the same way, except instead of brassy blond, it was stark black. The stranger had the same sharp features, and the same sad expression in those exact same eyes, and it was a little more than eerie. Quite frankly, it was unreal. If Seonghwa had been a little more drunk he might have believed that his reflection had come alive, but the clarity of the stranger’s fierce eyes told him he was still too sober for his own good, and the persistent ache in his knee told him he had yet to be dreaming. All he could ascertain was that in front of him was somehow another tangible form of himself.

 

Seonghwa remained still, eyes fixated on the stranger, not wanting to make the first move. His hand was behind him, ready to jump for the gun he had tucked in his waistband. He tested with silence, waiting for something. Anything. The fluorescent lights flickered off following a muted sound of thunder, and in the short instance of darkness, Seonghwa had almost convinced himself that when the lights would turn back on a second later, he would be by himself and that the person in front of him would have been all but a vivid hallucination. 

 

To his demise, reality was intent on remaining as strange as it was. The only difference between before the darkness and now was that the person was looking straight at him, and Seonghwa would be lying if he said he wasn't a little intimidated. 

 

The stranger took a deep breath, breaking eye contact to focus on his boots. Seonghwa’s fingers curled inward from the false alarm, but it was hard to relax with the given situation. He lightly stroked the handle of his gun to reassure himself that he had it as a solid defense. He doubted that the stranger would suddenly start fire, but he was ready for what the stranger had to throw out.

 

“I don’t know what my universe has to offer you, but maybe if you gave it a chance, you would like it.”

 

Except for that.

 

“Sorry?”

 

Now, Seonghwa had no idea what kind of topic this guy was starting on, but the two of them were obviously somewhere past greetings and introductions. Seonghwa had always been an advocate of wasting no time to get to the point, but even he was wishing that there was at least a little more of an introduction to the topic at hand, which was still an unknown. At this moment with just him and his lookalike, the first words thrown out were so out of nowhere that he didn’t know which part of it to hold on to. His mouth gaped open to protest, but no sound came out. 

 

The stranger didn’t give him a second glance. He continued without regards to Seonghwa’s perplexed expression that begged for an explanation.

 

“I’ll be honest, I haven’t been able to figure out what you might benefit from in my universe, and it’s weird, but it’s like that information is blocked somehow. I just can’t figure out what it is, but there has to be something. Otherwise, I don’t know why I would have been pulled to this exact universe when I’m sure there’s others with the circumstance I’m looking for. And I know it’s hard for you to just agree to switch places when there’s not really a guarantee that there’s something for you in my universe, but I really hope you have faith that something  _ is _ there. I’ll get on my knees and beg if I have to, but please, I have to be here. I swear I’ll do anything to stay here, please. I know for a fact that Yeosang loves me here.”

 

Wait.

 

_ Yeosang? _ Yeosang as in his neighbor? The same neighbor who should have been tired of being called to the bar to drag Seonghwa’s wasted ass to his house because Seonghwa was exceptionally talented at drinking well beyond his limit? The same Yeosang who seemed too nice to tell him off but was definitely annoyed with how incompetent Seonghwa was at taking care of himself? The same Yeosang who had more interactions with drunken Seonghwa than with sober Seonghwa?

 

There were a lot of things Seonghwa had to say about what this stranger was going on about. Firstly, he didn’t know how or why Yeosang was brought up, or why the stranger spoke casually about him as if he already knew they were acquainted. When the stranger was quite literally a stranger, Seonghwa wasn’t sure how he would know that kind of detail about his life. Secondly, the stranger was saying something about a universe? The world was large, yes, but to speak as if they were universes apart was strange in itself. But then the stranger said something about trading places as if they were identical twins in grade school and could pull off pranks like that. There were just too many words that didn’t belong together but were being said in a string of sentences and Seonghwa couldn’t make sense of any of it. What were they even talking about again?

 

“Sorry, but,” Seonghwa blurted out. “Am I  _ missing _ something here? What are you talking about? Why are we talking about Yeosang now? How do you even know Yeosang? What kind of universe are we talking about? Do you know me from somewhere?”

 

The stranger paused, eyes widening (as if  _ he _ should have been the surprised one), and everything seemed to slow down for a moment. He studied Seonghwa’s face as if it would tell him something, and maybe it did. Seonghwa was starting to feel uncomfortable with the silence and was now considering that maybe he should have let this guy ramble on, for both their sakes. 

 

“You… you don't know, do you?”

 

Seonghwa didn't know what it was that he was supposed to know, and it riled him up that this stranger wouldn't tell him directly. He breathed in, his lungs suddenly feeling like fire. He had to blow out the hot air or else he would actually burst. It would be just another instance of his mouth running quicker than his thoughts.

 

“Know  _ what?  _ Know what? You haven't said a single word on what topic you’re talking about here. I don’t know if you’re talking in code or you expect me to be in your head, but you’ve given me absolutely no context. Of  _ course, _ I wouldn't know! So if you would please enlighten me, what the hell are we talking about?”

 

There was a moment of uncertainty in the air, the tension rising as the talking came to a halt. Seonghwa could hear the rain pattering on the roof, and if it wasn’t for that, he might have been fooled into thinking that time had ceased. But he was the last to have his word and he refused to say anything more. Not until some things were explained.

 

“No, that's not it. You don't understand.”

 

This guy was pushing all the wrong buttons, and Seonghwa didn't even know his name. That was probably a record for how fast someone made it to his list of people to never talk to again.

 

“Understand  _ what _ exactly? How would I understand when you haven’t given a thought to explain anything?”

 

The stranger let out a sigh, letting his shoulders drop. He blinked several times as if he was refreshing himself. Maybe he was trying to figure out how to word his next sentences. Seonghwa couldn’t think of anything that would have been so difficult to explain to someone he had no emotional attachments with.

 

“Sorry, I thought you followed me because you knew why I was here. I guess that means I should introduce myself,” The stranger finally said, clearing his throat. He straightened his jacket and ran his hand through his hair in a way Seonghwa had seen himself do countless times in the mirror. It gave Seonghwa shivers, but not more than the next thing that came out of the stranger’s mouth.

 

“My name is Seonghwa, and I’m you from another universe. I’m a universe jumper, so I can travel across universes. So, the thing is, even though you don’t seem to know it, you’re one, too, and the reason I’m here is to ask something of you, and that is for you to live in my universe so that I can live in yours.”


	2. Two

Seonghwa scratched the surface of his desk with a pushpin he found on the ground somewhere in the kitchen. He found it was surprisingly hard to make any kind of mark, digging the pushpin back and forth meticulously to create the smallest of indents. Even faced with the unexpected difficulty, he felt obligated to finish the trivial thing he started of trying to etch his name, or at least his initials if that would make finish the job faster, onto it. He gave up halfway, flicking the pushpin to the ground where it belonged, and putting his head down on top of his arms. The pushpin was a nice temporary distraction to what his mind kept being gravitated toward, which was the other Seonghwa (he settled on referring to him as Seonghwa 2).

 

So, Seonghwa 2 claimed he was from another universe. Seonghwa could have decided to take that as either a very bad joke or take Seonghwa 2 as an actual insane person who somehow made it out of an asylum. Either one of those would have been a rational thing to do, but Seonghwa found that he wasn’t exactly a rational person at heart.

 

If he was to believe everything Seonghwa 2 had to say, then that meant that he and Seonghwa 2 were essentially the same person from different universes. It meant that Seonghwa 2 traveled to Seonghwa’s universe because there was something there that he couldn’t have in his own universe, and in this case, Yeosang didn’t love him in his own universe so he came to Seonghwa’s universe, where Yeosang did. Only, Seonghwa couldn’t be sure how accurate that idea was. Maybe Yeosang did love him but Seonghwa was so trapped in his own bubble that he was too busy suffocating to realize it. Maybe Yeosang didn’t love him and Seonghwa 2 wasn’t as skilled as a universe jumper as he thought. Maybe Seonghwa 2 was just a liar. What did Seonghwa know?

 

The catch about Seonghwa and Seonghwa 2 being in the same universe was that it wasn’t allowed. They couldn’t switch places unless both of them had the desire to, but they couldn’t stay in the same universe for long, either. If Seonghwa decided to refuse to so to Seonghwa 2’s universe, but Seonghwa 2 refused to leave Seonghwa’s universe, their health would start to decline rapidly until one of them died. 

 

That meant, if they both refused to leave Seonghwa’s universe, they would have to fight to the death for it since, in every universe, there could only be one Seonghwa. 

 

Seonghwa 2 seemed desperate to stay, and Seonghwa didn’t have a particularly huge desire to stay. In all honesty, there wasn’t anything keeping Seonghwa in the universe he was in except for familiarity. He couldn’t even begin to count off the times he had wished his life was different, but that kind of wishful thinking was always made with a hypothetical mindset. Realistically, if he really wanted change, he could do something about it himself, but that required effort and willpower, neither of which being things Seonghwa had in large quantity. He couldn’t come up with anything about his universe that he would be willing to kill someone (himself) over, but that didn’t mean he was ready to up and abandon everything he had known for the prospect of something new. So now he was at that point in his life where he was faced with a huge decision that he never knew he would ever have to make, and needless to say, was completely unprepared for. Interestingly, every other Seonghwa in every other universe was aware and prepared to either make the switch or fight for the right to a universe. At least, that was what Seonghwa 2 said. Somehow, the Seonghwa of this universe seemed to be the exception.

 

But in a reality with infinite universes, there had to be a Seonghwa like him, hadn’t there?

 

Seonghwa felt a lot of different emotions caving in, realizing for the first time how complicated they could be. He couldn’t distrust Seonghwa 2, since he couldn’t entirely distrust himself, and he had a somewhat favorable impression of him. At the same time, he hated Seonghwa 2, but in a different way from how he hated himself, but it didn’t seem wrong to call it self-loathing. 

 

He propped his head up with his arms to look at the Seonghwa 2 who had settled nicely into his home. It was like Seonghwa had adopted a cat, except that the cat was a person and that person was himself but at the same time not himself, and to put in a final twist, that cat was kicking Seonghwa out of his own home to settle into the life Seonghwa made for himself. It wasn’t a grand life in the slightest, but it was the one Seonghwa paved with his existence. To suddenly be replaced in order to replace Seonghwa 2 in  _ his _ life was just… not sensible. Then again, since when did Seonghwa consider himself to be a sensible person? Seonghwa turned to look to Seonghwa 2 wasn’t minding Seonghwa in the slightest, simply reading the newspaper on Seonghwa’s couch in his living room as if it was his own. He looked so natural in Seonghwa’s space as if he really did belong there. Seonghwa closed his eyes, ignoring the voice that told him that Seonghwa 2 belonged there more than Seonghwa himself did. He rubbed his temples which unfortunately did nothing more than rub the thought in. 

 

“Hey,” Seonghwa called, “so, I have a question for you.”

 

Seonghwa 2 hummed in response, still reading the paper.

 

“How much time do I have to decide on…” Seonghwa made some ambiguous gesture that was somehow supposed to represent all of the universe talk. “This?”

 

Seonghwa 2 closed the newspaper and set it down, folding it neatly. Seonghwa wondered if they were really the same person because he would have just set the paper aside without folding it, let alone maybe not pick it up in the first place. He never did anything with the newspaper beyond taking it home, for appearance’s sake, and was usually content with reading the headline of the front page to supply his news. He had his own troubles to worry about and he didn’t need the world’s problems to add onto them, especially when he could do absolutely nothing to change the course of events in the world, so anything beyond the front page was dust to him. In that short course moment that Seonghwa looked at the folded newspaper, Seonghwa 2 seemed to understand what he was thinking.

 

“Keeping up with the news is the first thing you should do in a new universe.”

 

“Huh,” Seonghwa managed to utter as a response. He couldn't hide the mild disappointment when he came to understand the extent of Seonghwa 2’s determination to stay.

 

“But anyway, there can’t be two of us in one universe, it’s a paradox that might cause some damage to ourselves and the universe, but there’s not really a set time before one of us has to go. You just know when the time comes.”

 

Seonghwa scoffed. He couldn’t tell if Seonghwa 2 was belittling him or if Seonghwa was just that incompetent of a Seonghwa compared to all the other Seonghwas in all the other universes. “Great. Just like how I knew I could jump universes or that there were multiple universes in the first place.”

 

“Well,” Seonghwa 2 offered, “I’ll know at least.”

 

Seonghwa blinked slowly, trying to gauge whether Seonghwa 2 was actually trying to help him or screw him over. They both knew how much Seonghwa 2 wanted to stay here.

 

“Even better. I love being in the dark about when I might potentially get jumped. All to my advantage.”

 

Seonghwa 2 winced as if the attack was uncalled for, and maybe it was, but Seonghwa wasn’t all that sorry about it.

 

“I wouldn’t do that.”

 

“Well, I would. And seeing how you’re another version of myself, that means you would, too, right? Since we are a different part of the same whole, right? So if I would hide things from you in order to help myself, that means you would, too, right? I think I’m starting to get the whole alternate universe thing.”

 

Seonghwa 2 let out a slow breath as he folded his hands and looked straight at Seonghwa, sitting on his words to let his thoughts mature before spitting them out.“I’m not… just because we are the same person from different universe's doesn’t make us the same person completely. 

 

The floor seemed to sway beneath Seonghwa, and if that was hell’s way of telling him it was time for him to go, he would have easily complied. At least his time in hell was something he saw coming, unlike this whole crazy concept of universes and multiple Seonghwas who were and weren’t the same person but needed to trade places like they were products on a shelf that could be mindlessly swapped out for one another and expected to perform just as well. As much as he wanted to not be a part of this, he was very much in the middle of it all, and there was only so much he could try to force his muddled mess of a mind to accept before he really went insane. Seonghwa needed a breather. 

 

“I have to go,” he mumbled before heading straight to his door, stumbling several times on the way, muttering curses under his breath like they were spells to get his stupid door to open faster because he needed to get out of there. He was claustrophobic enough in his own head but when there were two of them in one room, it was too much for him to handle. He wondered how the universe was holding up, but if he had to take a guess, it wasn’t.

 

He didn’t bother to close the door behind him as he bolted out, running in the one direction he knew would take him home. He ran and ran even when his knee screamed fire, step by pounding step that carried him to the only way he knew, his muscles so hot they could have been melting off but still, he refused to look behind him. He was blinded by intruding tears, but it did nothing to slow him down. He didn’t need to be able to see to know which direction to take when his path was a simple maze he completed hundreds of times. All he could think when he ran was that he wanted to go home, home,  _ home _ , and when San opened the door to see Seonghwa hunched over in sweat, shivering and stammering to come up with a reason for being there, he pulled him inside without word and held him close. Seonghwa closed his eyes and let himself stay, his brain unable to make coherent thoughts but knowing that it was what he needed. Being enveloped by San’s embrace, he knew how to breath again, and the panic that had been loud fireworks in his head finally turned into showers of soft light. 

 

~~

 

Seonghwa was sixteen when he killed a man.

 

He was hiding under his bed, shivering in immense fear as he heard the sound of rubber soles creaking on wood floors. He was alone and he was scared, and the only thought running through his mind was that he wanted to be anywhere but there. He could have been with the rest of his family, out celebrating Yunho’s birthday at a nice restaurant, but the flu decided to make Seonghwa its victim shortly before, and Seonghwa wondered what he had done in his past life to deserve such karma. He felt faint, his shirt damp from trapping the cold sweat his body kept producing, his breath shallow and his ears ringing. He clutched his father’s gun with his clammy hands, aimed right in front of him, ready for if one of them decided to look under. Time just seemed to drag on, but maybe this was his last few moments and the universe was doing him a favor by extending what little of it was left.

 

His arms were exhausted from hovering for so long, but the end finally seemed near. The intruders had rampaged through every dresser and cupboard, tossing every article of clothing on the floor, and Seonghwa could tell that there was nothing left for them to explore. After leaving their traces behind, all that was left of them was the disappearing sound of their footsteps. Seonghwa lowered his shaking arms as he expelled his nervous breath, close to passing out in relief. He was too exhausted to bother getting out from under the bed and was content with falling asleep right then and there on the hard floor.

 

But when it was too soon for it to be over, his bad karma strikes again, and he hiccuped.

 

Everything seemed to freeze again. The footsteps he had honed in on had paused for a few seconds before starting up again, but instead of dying down, the sound was getting closer. Seonghwa bit his bottom lip so hard he tasted blood, angry at himself for letting his tension go so easily, his eyes wide open, burning when he refused to blink. His heart dropped when he saw boots enter the room. He was as still as he could force his body to stay. He wondered if his neighbors could hear him if he screamed. His throat was too parched to cry out in fear, but somehow another hiccup came out, and it was then that Seonghwa felt that his fate was sealed. As he saw one of the intruders get on his knees, his breath quickened. Right when he saw a face peek under the bed, he squeezed his eyes shut as he squeezed the trigger.

 

He ran.

 

His bare feet kept getting scrapped up against the gravel and stray branches that met their path. He was suffocating and he kept running to find air, not once looking back. He felt dirty, not from the dirt on his feet or the blood on his hands, but he felt his soul was tinged with an ugly stain that painted him as a murderer. He killed someone. Seonghwa killed someone. He took the life away from a human being without a second’s consideration. He yelled at the sky, but the sky didn’t mind him any attention. He was just an insignificant soul that deserved no less. He would never be able to be clean again.

 

His knees buckled as nausea washed over him and he started shaking uncontrollably. Hot tears ran down his cheeks as he punched the ground countlessly, unable to get rid of his terror. His overwhelming emotions came out as puke, and his dizziness got the best of him. His entire body felt weak, and being sick didn’t help it in the slightest. He fell over, his limbs feeling heavy, and his eyes shut themselves. 

 

He woke up in a room that he couldn’t recognize. When he looked at his hands, he recalled the horrors of what happened in his home and realized he wouldn’t be able to recognize himself, either. Sitting up, he looked around and happened upon someone his age watching him. The boy was watching him with cautious but gentle eyes. In his hands was a mug of steaming lemon tea, which he extended to Seonghwa. Seonghwa hated citrus, and he hated tea, but he accepted it anyway, drinking it quickly even when he scalded his tongue. He needed something warm to ground himself, to feel like a real person, again. Handing the mug back, he looked at his own hands, tender and bruised from his own battle with himself. He took a look at his feet, which were bandaged with care. He looked back to the boy who then pulled him in and held him tightly, and then the wall he had built for himself came crumbling down. The boy knocked on Seonghwa’s chest, and Seonghwa’s heart opened up as he burst in tears, crying loudly without shame, touched that this boy gave him love when Seonghwa had already decided he was no longer deserving of any for the rest of his life.

 

Seonghwa was sixteen when he met San.

 

~~

 

Seonghwa was twenty-one when he was faced with the decision to travel to another universe.

 

San had seated him on the couch and put a blanket over him while he went to the kitchen to turn on the coffee machine, following the standard San-procedure for making Seonghwa feel comfortable in his own skin again. San didn’t ask, and Seonghwa didn’t explain. They had a silent agreement regarding that, something along the lines of, San wouldn’t pry and Seonghwa wouldn’t share secrets he wouldn’t want Yunho to eventually find out. There were no ill-intentions, and it wasn’t that San would purposely tell Yunho, but Yunho was too good at asking questions and San was too bad at lying. Slowly, Seonghwa found himself unable to say anything, unable to pinpoint exactly when he closed off his thoughts completely from San. There was a very inconvenient Yunho-lengthed distance between them, but at the very least, San was able to comfort him when he needed it. 

 

Seonghwa cradled his mug in his hands, letting the warmth seep into his body through his fingertips. The coffee looked dark and empty, and Seonghwa felt like he was looking at a mirror to his soul. San sat down next to him with his honey lemon tea, garnished with a lemon slice and mint leaf. San always had a way with being detailed like that, so when he bought a coffee machine even though he didn’t drink coffee, Seonghwa had a hard time convincing himself that San  _ didn’t _ return his feelings. What a fool, Seonghwa was. Now, it was harder to convince himself that he wasn't a burden on San's life, but maybe that just meant he couldn't lie to himself as well as he thought. 

 

He looked at San, who gazed right back with those starry eyes that always made Seonghwa's courage falter. How could Seonghwa even think to leave him when he looked at him like that? There was no one else in the entire world that made Seonghwa feel that he was loved, and as much as his heart throbbed with every stolen glance, he would have rather hurt himself than to be away from him. If, in another universe, there was a San who loved a Seonghwa as much as this Seonghwa loved this San, it was all he could ask for. 

 

He wondered what the chances were for that to be the case in the universe Seonghwa 2 came from.

 

“What would you do if I suddenly disappeared?” Seonghwa asked in a quiet voice, wanting for San to ask him not to leave, but at the same time wanting for him to tell him to go. It would make it all the more easier if San brushed the question aside like it was a trivial matter. If Seonghwa was really that trivial in San’s life, then what did it matter if he was no longer there? Would San notice?

 

Maybe it had something to do with the way Seonghwa refused to look at San when he asked or the way his fingers trembled lightly as he gripped his blanket more tightly around himself, but he could sense the air had changed. He counted down from five, closing his eyes and inhaling for as long as his lungs could handle, then taking a peek at San, hoping he wasn’t watching him but not surprised when San was looking right at him with an expression so pained that Seonghwa felt guilty for asking in the first place. Seonghwa absolutely despised himself for bringing such misery to San, and he realized as he watched San’s eyes turn red and watery, that if it was for San's sake, Seonghwa would give up everything, even if it meant giving up this universe.

 

San stroked Seonghwa’s hair slowly, carefully, as if he was trying to send a message through his gentle touch. 

 

“I don’t like that question, Seonghwa. I don’t know where it came from or why you’re asking, but I don’t like it at all.”

 

Seonghwa pulled his blanket closer to himself when all he wanted was to lean into San’s touch. As much as his heart cried, Seonghwa refused to give in, but he didn’t stop him, either. 

 

“But what if, San?”

 

San pulled him closer, unfurling Seonghwa's tight curl on himself to get a steady grip of his body, holding on so tightly that Seonghwa wondered if San would ever let him go. “Do you need me to say it out loud for you to get it? You’re special to me, Seonghwa. It makes me sad that you would ever even  _ think _ to disappear on me, or anyone for that matter. I don’t know what’s going on in that head of yours, but I won’t have any of it. Not today, not ever. So promise me now that you'll never leave just like that.”

 

There was a pause that made Seonghwa think everything would be okay as it was. All he needed was for the moment to stay as it was forever, and he would never have another worry again. But he looked at San, his dearly beloved San who deserved nothing but the best the world had to offer, and Seonghwa knew all too well that Seonghwa didn’t quite fit the bill. There was a lot he didn’t know, but he was certain that staying meant that he would be hurting San one way or another. He knew that San would drop everything and run to Seonghwa if he needed him, but unbeknownst to San, Seonghwa always needed him. He was a leech, thriving off of San’s kindness, and if he didn’t leave, San would never be truly happy, and that was what killed Seonghwa the most.

 

“I promise.”

 

Seonghwa didn’t look at San when he said it, and as much as he really wanted to mean it, he didn’t. The thing about the Seonghwa of this universe was that he was bad at a lot of things, but he was especially bad at keeping promises.

 

Seonghwa 2 was wiping down the kitchen counter when Seonghwa walked in, looking up to meet his eyes but not voicing out any sort of greeting. He scrubbed at a stubborn dried-up food particle of some sort while Seonghwa moved past him to open up the fridge to browse its contents. For being completely aware of everything that was in there, he spent a long time looking through it.

 

Seonghwa 2 said something but Seonghwa was buried too deeply in his own thoughts to catch it. Seonghwa shut the fridge door to see that Seonghwa 2 was scrubbing more intensely than before, working up a flush in his face. 

 

“Hey, maybe you should take a break? You don’t have to try so hard.”

 

Seonghwa 2 wiped the sweat from his forehead. “I do if I plan on living here from now on.”

 

Okay,  _ asshole _ .

 

“Why don’t you make the entire house spotless, then? Why stop at the kitchen?”

 

Seonghwa turned on his heel to head straight to bed, not hungry enough for the effort of cooking to be worth it.

 

“I talked to Yeosang while you were gone.”

 

He stopped in his tracks. “You what?”

 

Seonghwa didn’t mean for it to sound as harsh as it came out, but he was admittedly quite shocked about it. He had no ideas what the rules for universe hopping was, but he found it surprising that Seonghwa 2 was, well,  _ allowed _ to interact with the people in Seonghwa’s life without Seonghwa agreeing to it or even knowing about it. Were there any rules? 

 

Seonghwa 2 raised his hands defensively, rag dropping to the floor. “The door was open when you left. I didn’t notice until Yeosang came in to check to see if everything was okay.”

 

Oh, Yeosang. He was too nice for his own good. And Seonghwa was a much worse neighbor than he deserved. Seonghwa made a mental note to drop off desserts later as a token of his infinite gratitude for always putting up with him.

 

“So what,” Seonghwa said, just now noticing two mugs resting on the drying rack, “did you invite him in for coffee?”

 

“Observant of you,” Seonghwa 2 remarked, picking up the dirty rag. “Tell me, what else did we do?”

 

Seonghwa took a step back, suddenly scared of what they might have done in his house while he was gone. If Seonghwa 2 wasn’t a complete liar, then Yeosang loved Seonghwa and Seonghwa 2 loved Yeosang, which meant… 

 

“Uh…”

 

He poured himself a glass of water and started to chug, washing down the unwanted thoughts. Seonghwa 2 chuckled and Seonghwa couldn’t help but feel he was being made fun of.

 

“We talked about your drunken habits,” Seonghwa 2 admitted. 

 

Seonghwa felt his face flush but avoided looking in Seonghwa 2’s direction. “Oh?” he asked nonchalantly as he took another sip of water, trying to act more calmly than he felt.

 

“You do nothing but profess your love for San, apparently.”

 

_ God. _

 

He nearly spat out his water in shock but after struggling to keep the water in his mouth, he managed to swallow properly. He took a few more sips as he rearranged his thoughts, but when he couldn’t think of a valid excuse for his actions, he put down his empty glass and finally faced Seonghwa 2. There were a few things he had to get straight, and if that meant being redundant, then redundant he will be.

 

“You said Yeosang loves me in this universe. I’m not even going to ask you how you know, but how  _ sure _ are you of that?”

 

It was Seonghwa 2’s turn to get flustered. He sat on the bar stool and looked up, reminiscing, before he flopped over the counter with his hands covering his face. He bit his lips but it couldn’t stop his smile, nor could it stop his ears from turning bright red. He was close to rolling over if it didn’t mean he would fall off his seat, but it was much too late for him not to fall in love. Seonghwa could almost  _ smell _ the sickly sweet vibes that were fuming from his direction.

 

“Oh, I’m positive, 100% sure. I was sure before I entered the universe, and I’m even surer now that I met him. The way he looks at me? That’s the same way I know I look at him, Seonghwa. I just know it in my heart. I don’t even know how to feel about it, except maybe,  _ alive _ . I swear I haven’t been this happy ever. Not that I was miserable, but I wasn’t happy. Does that make sense? But, Yeosang, he makes me happy, happier than I ever knew I could be. I know it sounds crazy, and I know I barely spent any time with him in this universe, but I’ve loved him for  _ years _ and I never thought I would get anything back. And to get some sort of reciprocation? To see him smile at everything I say? For him to look at me in the eyes like he’s trying to show me his heart?”

 

Seonghwa 2 put down his hands, tapping the counter daintily. “Seonghwa, please, I know the unknown is scary, I do, but I really wish you would have some faith in me, and in yourself. I…” 

 

He put his head down on his arms, sighing softly. “I don’t even know what to say that could convince you. It’s just… now that I know what it’s like, I can’t go back to a world where he doesn’t love me like that.”

 

Seeing Seonghwa 2 so dejected, Seonghwa couldn’t hate him. He knew that Seonghwa 2 wasn’t trying to take his world _ away _ from him, but rather that he wanted to be in it instead, but regardless of intentions, it  _ would _ be taking Seonghwa’s world away from him. But what was it about this universe that Seonghwa so desperately wanted to protect?

 

That wasn’t a hard question to answer. Of course, he would have wanted to protect San at all costs, but seeing his options spread on the table, he contemplated the thought that leaving him would be for the better. He was being swayed into Seonghwa 2’s plans, and while he was all too aware of it, he didn’t stop it.

 

“Tell me about your life in the other world.”

 

Seonghwa 2 lifted his head, cocking it to the side curiously. He studied Seonghwa’s expression, and deeming it to not be a sarcastic inquiry, he smiled. “Are you finally interested in hearing about your new life?”

 

Seonghwa rolled his eyes as he took a seat in the next bar stool over, resting his head on his hands to prepare for a long conversation. “If you really sell it to me, maybe I’ll consider it.”

 

He may have killed someone before, but he really didn’t think he would have been able to kill Seonghwa 2, even if it was to protect everything he knew about the life he had. He would, no doubt, feel like he killed a part of himself, which wouldn’t have been a wrong way to think about it. He would have become a lost soul in a sea of universes when all he had to show for it was a crappy life he made for himself. Objectively, the right choice was clear. It was the muddled mess of his selfish heart that made the decision hard, but he was ready to let go. 

 

Besides, this universe was probably better off without him anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are enjoying this so far!!! Thank you for reading!!!!! ❤❤❤❤❤❤

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading, I would love to know your thoughts on this so far! 
> 
> PS if anyone wants to say hi, here's my [twitter](https://twitter.com/juntyph)


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